McMethamphetamine Man Found Asleep In McDonald’s Drive Thru

Look at us go. Humanity, continuing to blaze a trail forward, each step more brilliant than the last. Along with this path, some people unavoidably stumble on rocks and get tripped up. Speaking of rocks and tripping, drug dealers usually make for some entertaining arrest stories.

Human error is the cause of more than 80% of problems in the Drug Manufacturing Industry. While this statistic may apply to legitimate pharmaceuticals, we’re certain an entirely different one applies to, shall we say, illegitimate pharmaceuticals. In this instance, an alleged drug dealer was undone by his own hunger. Betrayed by a 2:00 a.m. rumbly in the tumbly.

The police were called to a McDonald’s in California at around 2:30 in the morning. While that 24-hour drive-thru can come in handy, it’s hard to imagine anything good happens this late at night. This case certainly makes that point rock solid. A man had passed out at the wheel, in the drive-thru at McDonald’s. Upon waking him, there was probable cause to search the vehicle and administer field sobriety tests.

More than 3 billion tons of hazardous materials are shipped around the United States annually and our McDonald’s drive-thru sleeping beauty had himself some hefty and hazardous weight in tow. Officers found 96 grams of methamphetamine in his glove compartment. Along with the scales and smaller bags to, presumably, disseminate his haul.

The police department took to Instagram and posted a picture of the stash with the caption:

“During a search of the male’s vehicle, officers located 96 grams of methamphetamine inside the glove compartment. Officers also located numerous items indicating that the male possessed the methamphetamine for sale. #AlmostAQuarterPounder #NoCokeInThisDriveThruJustMeth #SuperSizeArrest”

The hashtags alone are pure gold, although we’d add #McMeth a la Shakespeare. The police didn’t offer any details about the man’s possible arrest, but it’s pretty safe to assume that 96 grams of meth isn’t going to have the police letting you sleep it off without issue.

Foiled by the 24-hour drive-thru, the wannabe rockstar’s career was swiftly cut short by what we can only guess to be chicken McNuggets. No food and 96 grams short, we’re willing to bet he’s ruminating all sorts of alternatives to his wayward methods.

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